Process: Article draft

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I have completed a first draft of my article and sent it to my tutor for feedback.

As you can see, most of the comments are correcting sentence structure and grammatical errors, although there are 2 main points I have work on. First thing to consider is a hook- a hook should get my readers interested in my writing. A possible hook that might excite my readers may be: 

How is fashion going to look like in 2020? Nobody really knows, but from what we know,  there are efforts being made to help our planet. 

or 

The change in fashion industry we all awaited, may be closer than ever. 


The second point I have to develop is a conclusion. The line of argument in this writing is that the Coronavirus has pushed designers and others involved in the fashion industry to be more sustainable and responsible. So, I will develop the conclusion around this idea and the final thought would be that the pandemic has brought an advantage-it has helped develop future prospects in fashion, raising awareness on the urgency to preserve our planet.

An example could be: 

Although it is pretty hard to believe that fashion shows will move to a complete digital form forever, a new era of sustainability may be approaching as designers are taking their first steps towards a greener future. "This crisis has made the waste and excess more visible" says Emma Hope Allwood, head of fashion at Dazed Digital. The changes we hope to see are a lower amount of carbon footprint derived from fashion shows, less production of garments, and a strong and inspiring message towards sustainability; we have to put an end to the excessive waste. After all, the Coronavirus may have brought some positive reform within the fashion world.























Comments

  1. Zoe Van-de-VeldeAugust 30, 2020 at 1:21 PM

    Okay as a writer in the real world you would have had at least two more drafts before publication - I think I would have spent much more time on this process as a writer as this is what you should be doing - honing your writing skills. In the future more time and consideration is needed on this aspect of your work

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