Feedback on article from Media tutor (Bettina Downing) and changes applied

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When I emailed my draft to my tutor Bettina, she answered with this email and highlighted the problems within the article and then we met so we could discuss it more in depth.


When we met, she said that the only major problem is the style and language used.
I wrote the article using complex words when instead I should have used everyday language. She suggested to use the word 'our' to identify myself as part of the audience.

She also told me that the word 'enhancing' might not the best word to use with panic as the connotation is positive and it might be used to say 'improve' or 'made better'. Unfortunately, I used this word on the title in my approval form and I told her and she said it's fine because enhancing can also mean to 'increase', however a different word would have been better.

The anecdotal paragraph she refers to in the email is this below:



In my draft, I placed this paragraph at the end of the article but Bettina advised me to place it at the begging, which I fully agreed with because it establishes a relationship with the reader.



Changes applied to the article after receiving feedback:

  1. I simplified most words to better resemble a feature article, but Bettina told me to keep a few complex words because it shows the seriousness and a well written article
  2. I placed my personal anecdote as the introductory paragraph 
  3. I made paragraphs shorter


I tried out different fonts that might go with the article because feature news article use different fonts in Headings, subheadings and body text.  I chose these fonts:

Headline: Playfair Display Bold font
Subheading: Cormorant Garamond Light font 
Body: Times New Roman font 

I left a space between the headline, subheading (also called stand first) because this is where I plan to put the main image.

I was thinking of placing the second image on the side of the paragraph where I introduce Bettina but it is close to the beginning and the two images will appear too close to each other. Therefore, I will put the picture somewhere in the middle of the article where I mention her.

I won't use the subheading below because I changed the subheading to something that seems more logical.

This is the subheading I will use:   "Crisis communication from the media in the modern world cause people to have doubts on what to believe"






















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